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Thread: naked forms say

  1. #1
    Inactive Member machinery's Avatar
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    she dialed to say she was naked in bed.

    she dialed to say that her front door would be unlocked.

    i must of dropped my
    keys
    keys
    keys three times.

    our times previously that night,
    like all the other moons we witnessed,
    were considered friendly;
    flirting we did not!

    she was her.
    i was me.
    and we simply were.


    but,
    she dialed to say
    and i followed our okays
    of anticipation
    with a...

    whispered of my entrance,
    ventured through her living room
    as early hours protruded
    through open shades.

    her voice called at my silhouette,
    her presence down the hall,
    her voice muffled behind the warmth
    of a childhood quilt.

    and my keys were
    dropped
    again.

    as did the quilt; her naked torso was visible.

    she said hello by way of wide eyes.
    i acknowledged by the removal of my clothes.

    as the morning hours gained age,
    our naked forms said more than words ever
    could.

  2. #2
    Senior Hostboard Member Hannibal's Avatar
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    our times previously that night,
    like all the other moons we witnessed,
    were considered friendly;
    flirting we did not!

    she was her.
    i was me.
    and we simply were.
    <font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Didn't get that part exactly... wasn't sure where it came from - or what it was doing there... just... seemed at odds. Was it like an explanation of how you guys had been before? or how you're seen through the eyes of others?

    Also..

    The dropping of keys three times.. to signify suprise?


    Although there were lots of little ideas all over this peice - I really loved the way they worked together - to give this story to the reader in not so many words.

    Really dug it.

    The closing stanza was something I just sunk my teeth into - i loved it!
    [img]smile.gif[/img]
    Good peice - I rate a solid 7 on a 1-10 scale.

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